The following guidelines are those things we feel are important to keep in mind when pursuing dates, in the relationship development phase. They are also important in protecting your safety and well-being.

1. Don’t just rely only on email or written letters alone to get acquainted. Use ALL mediums possible.

2. Do not promise a date or a meeting until you have had at least five fifteen minute or longer conversations by phone in advance of suggesting a personal meeting.

3. Kindly interview the other person. Ask open-ended questions and get the other person to share information about himself/herself.

4. Be "businesslike". Don't arrange a first "date" -- arrange a "meeting", lunch or coffee break with a defined ending time.

5. When you arrange to meet the other person, leave a trail. Tell a trusted friend or relative who you are meeting, where and what time you're expected back.

6. Meet in the daytime in a well lighted, neutral, public place which each of you can get to easily. Never have them come to your home or place of work to pick you up.

7. Be yourself.

8. Be Honest.

9. Ask for a picture less than 6 months old!

10. Don't go overboard on the first date, a simple dinner and a movie will suffice.

11. Get an anonymous e-mail account. Use this for communication before you move on to personal contact.

12. Take your time! Meet People at Your Own Pace. Don’t feel pressured to meet face to face before you’re ready.

13. Verify the phone number! Call Directory Assistance and ensure that your date's phone number matches the name they gave you... If your date's number is unlisted, Directory Assistance will verify that "so and so" has a number, but it's unlisted.

14. Get a physical address and mail a card. Use a return address that will not reveal your identity or your physical address (i.e. just use your screen name and a PO Box or work address) and see if the card is returned for any reason. Allow a minimum of 10 days to receive returned mail if the address turns out to be bogus.

15. Ask about previous relationships. Was your date previously married? In any long term relationships? Why did they end? Does there seem to be any remorse? Should there be? Does your date seem to have recovered from the separation or dissolving of the relationship? Always ask "What would the other person say about you?" Listen, listen, listen! If it feels right, ask questions. If it all feels wrong, ask questions. Clarify! If it doesn't seem to add up, it might not!

16. Clarify everyone's expectations before the first date.

17. Always use common sense.

18. Avoid relying on your date for transportation.

19. Think ahead. Know in advance where police and fire stations are so you know where you can get help if needed. Anticipate some snags, and pre-plan your response.

20. Never leave your food or beverages unattended. Powerful new drugs exist that can make you prey to the other person's wishes and hardly recall anything in the morning. If you start to feel ill, insist on calling a friend or taking a cab if you are too ill to drive home.

21. Let someone know your plans. Tell someone who you are going to be with, the person's name, their general description, including name & phone number. If it's convenient, notice your date's license plate number and leave the information on your answering machine at home or with a friend. Agree to be home at a certain hour, or to call someone to let them know you will be late.

22. Be your best self. This is not the time to admit to all the vulnerabilities and insecurities that regularly beset you.

23. Be a good listener.

24. Try to have fun. Your life does not hang in the balance. It’s just a date.

25. Do not pretend to be someone you’re not.

26. Mind your manners.

27. Hold out before having sex.

28. Never surprise your date with a movie, meal etc on the first date. First out what the person's likes and dislikes are.

29. Be on time. Unpunctuality is a fault with *no* redeeming features.

30. Wear something that makes you feel good and also looks good on you.

31. Greet the person with a smile.

32. Be observant, sensitive, perceptive, and appreciative of what your date does or may have done.

33. If you're having a good time, let the other person know it.

34. Be courteous and complimentary.

35. Be fresh and smell good.

36. Do not discuss your ex dates or how many people you have slept with.

37. You will call when you promise to call and not keep someone hanging on. If you don't like your date then don't falsely promise anything or leave the door open.

38. Never pretend to be single when you are not.

39. Keep checking the inside (give the exterior stuff a rest). If you stay focused on looks you may end up ignoring or dumping a perfectly fantastic person without ever really giving them a chance.

40. Keep the first date brief. Leave them wishing for more, not wondering how to escape.

41. Don't lie. Never lie. NEVER.

42. Maintain good eye contact. Glancing about the room gives the impression that you're really not interested.

43. Ask questions and wait for a complete answer.

44. Call your date by their name.

45. Have a plan and a backup and a backup to the backup.

46. Call a few days before to confirm the date, time, and place.

47. Don't get drunk.

48. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you!

49. Block caller ID. Try and keep your phone number anonymous.

50. Trust your instincts.

Further Reading:

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